What We Lose
by AmeStrom
Summary: A unwanted vow and the loss of love. The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition- Round 4


Disclaimer: The Harry potter series belongs to J. K. Rowling. The only profit I gain from this

story is the enjoyment and experience of writing it.

Written for the **The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition- Round 4**

CHASER 2: sadness [forbidden: sadness]

Additional Prompts:

2.(song) 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons

5.(poem) 'A Poison Tree' by William Blake

10.(quote) 'Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions' - Dalai Lama

What We Lose

 _I was angry with my friend;_

A wand flew out of one outstretched hand and into another. The now unarmed human snarled his teeth, bared like a wolf. The handsome young victor smiled at this, flipping the wand and offering it back to its owner.

"Don't be a sore loser, Nott. After all, I am one of the best," the blond youth said as the other teen snatched the wand out of his grasp.

"Is just practice, Avery," Nott replied as he rotated his wand around in his hands.

"Perhaps you should practice with Tom if you're going to get so emotional over it," Avery said.

Nott snorted, "Not afraid you're going to lose are you, Avery?"

"Course not!" Avery said, a confident smile crossing his face as he extended his hand like a peace offering.

Nott looked away from his friend and swept the crowd of onlookers until he found one in particular. She was beautiful in his eyes with lush black hair and bright blue eyes. But her affectionate gaze wasn't towards him.

His heart sunk and he slapped Avery's hand away in a fit of anger. "No ones better than you other than maybe Tom," he said blankly, hiding the bitterness well. He added, "Which is way I'll always practice with you."

Just a few days latter he once again persuaded Avery to duel with him.

Nott could taste blood as he rolled over onto his back. He was sore all over and severally disliked the feeling. Riddle's smirking face came into view as he leaned over him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for that spell to be quite that powerful." Avery said with a frown of concern covering his face.

Nott sighed as he realized that his wrath was misplaced. His friend probably wasn't even aware that his crush was in love with him. If Nott was a better fighter then Avery would have been the one with the bruises and not even aware of why.

 _I told my wrath, my wrath did end._

"Don't worry about it," he said accepting the hand up. "And I am sorry," he said sincerely.

Avery's brows wrinkled in confusion, "For what?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter," Nott said with a smile and shake of his head. As he turned away he froze as he caught sight of Tom Riddle leaning against a tree near by.

He strolled over as if he was unfazed by Riddle being there.

"You're out of your Arithmancy class early," he stated casually as he approached.

Riddle inclined his head towards where Avery stood not far off. "You need to improve your shield charms."

Nott shrugged. "There is a lot of things I need to work on."

Tom smiled and nodded. "I am sure."

Nott wanted to grimace at the self-righteousness that rolled over the words, but he kept himself in check.

As Tom moved past him he whispered, "Don't be too concerned. I am sure someone will come around."

Nott twirled around to ask what he meant by that but something in Tom's eyes stopped him. Whatever was buried there made the hairs on the back of his neck rise in warning.

 _I was angry with my foe:_

Class ended and he was descending the Divination tower. What he saw in the hallway made him feel as if someone had just punched him in the gut. There was his crush, an adoring smile on her face as she looked up at the charming, handsome Riddle. Nott's blood boiled as his fingernails dug into the skin of his palms as he clenched his hands.

Riddle looked up and his smile deepened ever so slightly. "Ah, Nott! Come over here!" he called, beckoning with his hand.

Nott walked over to the pair, his posture rigid but his expression giving nothing away. She had a soft smile on her features as she turned to look at him.

"This is Abigail Walker. Abigail, this is Jasper Nott," Tom introduced.

"Pleasure to meet you," Nott said blankly.

Abigail smiled in return, obviously nervous and not sure how to deal with his indifference.

Tom gave her a way out by saying, "Well, we shall see you around. Jasper and I have Potions class next."

"Of course!" she said quickly. Then after a moment added, "It was nice to talk to you, Tom." A faint blush raised to her cheeks. Tom smiled in return, though it didn't reach his eyes.

Once they were out of earshot of the girl, Nott heard Tom say calmly, "Don't waste your petty affection on that one, Nott."

"Why is that?"

"She's a Mudblood," Tom replied with a disgusted sneer.

 _I told it not, my wrath did grow._

Nott could feel blood smear as he flexed his hand. He smiled. "Already forgotten."

Tom looked over to give him a leveled gaze and he looked straight back. Tom smiled, "I knew I could trust you."

Nott returned the look. After all, he hadn't been sorted into Slytherin for nothing.

 _When the days are cold_

The rest of the year passed without incident. Nott watched Abigail from afar; his heart ached at what he saw. Tom played with her emotions, and then once he was bored, cruelly broke her heart. Nott's indifference only made her dislike him just as much as Tom trusted him.

 _And the cards all fold_

It was the seventh year and he was excited about leaving Hogwarts. He would be able to leave and never have to look back. He could forget about Voldemort and… Abigail.

He was studying alone at one of the tables in the back of the library where he hoped he wouldn't be disturbed.

"Jaspar?" Looking up, he was surprised to see Abigail. She was fingering the strap of her bag nervously. "May I study with you?" she asked quietly.

He knew he should say no for both their sakes… But he just couldn't do it.

"If you wish," he said back just a quietly.

She beamed as she took the chair across from him. After some blundering attempts they found common ground in their favorite subject: Potions.

"- and you can imagine what happened next! We were covered in this blue goo," Abigail exclaimed with exaggerated hand motions.

They both burst out laughing and had to stifle it when they heard movement in the next row of bookshelves in case it was the Librarian.

Jasper rested his chin in his palm, elbow on the table.

"I wish we had done this sooner," he said softly. He shouldn't have let Tom drive him away from her. "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

"Yes, I agree," she said, smiling brightly at him.

Another hour passed before they finally split to go their separate ways.

He was in high spirits until he turned the corner of the last bookcase on his way out and came face to face with Voldemort.

He didn't say anything as he turned back to the book in his grasp. He quickened his pace as he headed out of the library, then burst into a run.

"ABIGAIL!" he screamed as he turned the corridor corner, hoping he would catch up to her.

He tripped over something and fell hard onto the stone floor. He winced in pain as he pushed himself onto his knees. He looked over his shoulder and his heart froze at the sight. Abigail lay motionless on the cold stone floor. Crawling shakily back over to her.

"A-Abigail?" he whispered as he reached for her.

"Don't worry. She's not dead," Tom said as he stepped around the corner. He walked over and stopped so he was standing over them. "Yet, that is." He smirked as he crouched and offered his hand. "Swear your service to me and I won't have the monster kill her."

 _And the saints we see_  
 _Are all made of gold_

Jasper watched in bitter resentment as the blame fell on Hagrid's shoulders. He watched as relief bloomed on the other students' faces. The grim but satisfied looks that they had caught the monster and it's owner in the teacher's faces. Abigail brushed past him in the throng of students.

"She doesn't recognize you," Tom commented, a pleased tone in his voice.

"It is a good thing that some of my charms are better than my Shield Charm," he said harshly, he clenched his right arm as the mark on his forearm burned.

 _And I waterd it in fears,_  
 _Night & morning with my tears: _  
_And I sunned it with smiles,_  
 _And with soft deceitful wiles._

He wished Voldemort luck with getting the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. He showed fear when Voldemort looked into his eyes and watched on with a pleased smile at the death of the Muggles and Muggle-borns.

 _And it grew both day and night._  
 _Till it bore an apple bright._  
 _And my foe beheld it shine,_  
 _And he knew that it was mine._

He watched as Voldemort rose in power and he listened to the whispers of rumors. Waiting for something that he could use to change his fate. A few years past and he came across the young Regulus Black. Who had riches and power but the young lord's only companion a house elf. And the next day Jasper spoke to Voldemort suggesting the house elf as suitable helper for his Lord's need to hide something precious. He was upset when Black vanished afterwards not only for the young man's undoubtable demise but also taking the Dark Lord's secret with him. The search to break his Un-breakable vow lead him to a Seer.

He crossed his arms as he leaned back and he watched the Seer shuffle her cards.

"So what can I help you find out, dear?"

"How to kill a monster that can not die."

She smiled and pulled a card from the pile and set it up right on the table. The card was Death.

"You're in luck, Death stands up right. Perhaps your beast isn't as immortal as it thinks," she said calmly as she looked up at him to continue.

"How do you break the unbreakable?"

"Trying to break a deal?" The Seer turned another card over. Reversed Wheel of Fortune. "That appears to be out of your control." The Seer hummed thoughtfully and studied him as he stared at the cards. "There is something else, isn't there?"

"Yes," he murmured, his gaze flickering around the room for a moment. "I want to be able to find my love again."

"Ah, yes." She smiled sadly. "It always comes back to love again. The cards can't tell you how to do that, but I can help you."

"How?!" he snapped, his body tensing. "If he ever finds out who she is he'll kill her!"

"You made her forget you, but I can fix all of that. But in exchange, I want you to help my daughter."

"H-How did you know-" Jasper started.

"She wants to become a powerful Seer, but fate is not with her. Help her off the streets and I will bring your love back to you and make sure that no harm comes to her."

He nodded. "Fine."

The Seer returned the gesture and flipped another card, the Lovers upright. This finalized the deal in both their eyes and Jasper turned to leave.

"Wait! You'll need this," the Seer said, snatching an envelope and quickly raising from the table.

At her quick movement she knocked a card from it which went unnoticed by both. Hermit reversed.

Several weeks later Jasper was able to convince Sybil Trelawney to try for the position of Divination Professor at Hogwarts. A week after he had received word that she had gotten the position there was a knock on his door.

The door swung open to reveal Abigail Walker, "I was in the area and thought to stop by."

 _I wanna hide the truth_  
 _I wanna shelter you_  
 _But with the beast inside_  
 _There's nowhere we can hide_

They married and had a child which they named Theodore. Abigail went unnoticed by Voldemort as if she didn't exist. But Abigail noticed Nott's more frequent disappearances.

One night he was unable to hide it any longer when he woke up in pain do to the Mark.

"You're a Death Eater," she spoke softly, rolling over to look at him intently.

"Y-Yes," he said faintly.

"You're not going to stop being loyal to him, are you?" The accusation in her voice hurt.

"I-I made a vow."

She sat up and clenched his unmarked forearm. "THEN BREAK IT!" she said lowly, looking right in his face.

"I'll die if I do," he whispered.

Grief reflected in her blue eyes for a moment before she laid down and turned her back to him.

He closed his eyes tightly, yet a few tears still escaped from them. The Mark pulsed again. He was being called.

 _And into my garden stole,_  
 _When the night had veiled the pole;_  
 _In the morning glad I see;_  
 _My foe outstretched beneath the tree._

He saw his freedom disappear completely as Voldemort prepared to attack the Potters after Pettigrew's betrayal.

"Nott you shall come with me," Voldemort commanded once they had heard word.

"Of course," he whispered with a bow.

James Potter didn't stand a chance against the Dark Lord and Lily died to save her son's life. Jasper stood in the wreckage looking down at the baby that had saved the Wizarding World. That had also released him from slavery, at least for a short time. He knelt down in front of the child.

"I am so, so s-sorry," he whispered, his voice catching badly.

Then he turned and raised his wand, releasing the Charm blocking the spell from alerting any others of the attack. He took one look at the remains of the Dark Lord and for a moment he was glad. It didn't last. He needed to return home to bury his wife's body and look after his son who he would raise alone.


End file.
